


Stationary

by HikariYumi



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depressed Gavin Reed, Depression, Disjointed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed has depression, Gavin Reed-centric, Gen, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hank Anderson Swears, Hank Anderson is Bad at Feelings, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt Gavin Reed, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Vague, no specified reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumi
Summary: At some point Gavin’s way to get through a day had become the idea of ending it once and for all.
Relationships: Connor & Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor, Hank Anderson & Gavin Reed
Comments: 5
Kudos: 202





	Stationary

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> So.  
> Yeah.
> 
> It’s been a while since I’ve wrote for this fandom so I’m really not up to date with anything. But I’ve had a big emotion craving and read through my old bookmarks and decided I needed someone to suffer.  
> A few hours later I’ve started this fanfic. Which is blander as my usual stuff... but this time it’s also on purpose. 
> 
> Please mind the tags!
> 
> This is not the most... sensible approach to the topic I think and neither Connor nor Hank are really equipped to help. They’re trying but it’s not too long since the revolution and they are still growing.
> 
> Anyway, because I can’t really stand sad endings it ends hopeful.  
> Thanks for your interest!
> 
> ~Hikari

Stationary

Maybe today was going to be the day.

Gavin lied motionless in his bed. The early morning sun gently illuminated his room, no clouds to be seen. Undoubtedly it was going to be a beautiful day, warm for the first time after the heavy snow of the last weeks.  
Gavin hated it.

He wanted to turn to his side, hide from the unrelenting rays of light, but it took too much effort. Instead he only turned his head to check the alarm on his bedside table which transparent hologram screen informed Gavin that it was currently 6:17 am.  
He didn’t have to get up for another half an hour. Gavin’s gaze wandered back to the grey Beton ceiling, unblinking and tired. 

At 6:44 Gavin pushed his blanket away and sat up on his creaking mattress. Even though he maintained more than nine hours of sleep every night, Gavin’s body felt heavy with exhaustion. It felt like walking through a pool full of water instead of his bedroom as he slowly started to get ready for the day.

At 7:13 Gavin sat down heavily on his faux leather sofa, hands absently stroking the old and worn material. Still half an hour before it was time to head into work. Gavin used to brew himself some good coffee and flick through the morning news, occasionally rummage in his cupboards for a quick snack, but lately he hadn’t been hungry in the mornings.  
Instead Gavin sat down in his living room, eyes staring down on the wooden table with water rings all over until it was time to leave.

At 7:46 Gavin rose to his feet and grabbed his service gun from the table and put it into its place in his holster. It felt cold.

There was a long day ahead.

The bullpens neon lights burned on Gavin’s skin and he inconspicuously pulled his jacket closer around himself. Ben greeted him absently over the report he was writing and most others were still in the break room, talking and drinking coffee.  
Gavin sat down at his desk.

It was never quiet in the station, too many people shuffling through their belongings or left over paper notes, but it was closer to white noise than a racket. Captain Fowler hadn’t left his office the whole day. There were no emergencies.

Gavin returned to his apartment at 16:24, the warm sun had turned the majority of snow into sludge. The detective stripped out of his jacket and put his gun on the living room table. For a moment he contemplated to make himself an early dinner but decided against it. He slumped down on the sofa, mind blissfully empty.

Even the reasonably bright numbers of Gavin’s alarm felt intrusive in the calming darkness of the bedroom. He turned his back to the tiny device and fell asleep as the numbers changed on to 20:16.

Maybe tomorrow was going to be the day.

~

Gavin remembered he should switch off his heating system only to realise that he hadn’t turned it on in the first place. That explained the cheaper bills this month.

At 7:50 the detective’s car was engulfed in the usual early morning traffic. The drive to the precinct was boring on the best of days, yet Gavin still preferred to drive himself instead of leaving it to the cars AI. He enjoyed driving, that was the only reason he missed his days as a patrol officer.  
His gun hadn’t warmed up inthe heated car yet and pressed coldly through his shirt.

Hank hadn’t come in that day, but he heard something about them having a case in the suburbs when Chris and Robert passed his desk around noon.  
Gavin didn’t care, he hadn’t had an investigation in a while and instead spent his time filling out way too many forms and reports. He hated it, but it was for the best.

At 13:17 Tina asked if Gavin wanted to have lunch with her, he declined. He wasn’t hungry.  
She tried to persuade him and the man snapped at her which was always effective in driving Tina away. She rolled her eyes and didn’t even snarled back.

Gavin stared at his reflection in the tiled precinct bathroom. The harsh halogen lights that might’ve been older than the detective himself didn’t do him any favours. How he could look this tired despite sleeping more than ever before in his life was a miracle to him.

Ben passed his desk at 16:06 on his way home.  
“You want to finish this up before leaving?”  
“Yeah.”  
The other detective smiled in understanding.  
“I get that. You got anything planned for your free day? I think they show this new movie in the theatres?”  
“No plans.”  
Ben shrugged and wished his good byes to the others. 

Gavin hadn’t lied, he didn’t have plans for the next day, he hadn’t thought he would need them. The detective hadn’t changed out of his work clothes yet. It was 19:28 and his apartment was dark and quiet.  
His eyes wandered over the table he had never bothered to clean. 

Maybe tomorrow was going to be the day. 

Nobody would expect him tomorrow, that was perfect, wasn’t it? Gavin could use this evening to go out; Ben had been right, the new movie was one he had looked forward to.  
What did he have to lose?

~

Gavin woke up at 6:26 in darkness. The sky outside of his window had turned into a bleak grey and his room felt colder than before.  
Somehow that felt right.

Getting up was easier than it had been during the last days. Gavin stopped in front of his wardrobe, contemplating.  
He grabbed a fresh pair of pants and his good shirt. It was ridiculous but Gavin did it anyways.

Gavin brushed his hair and let his gaze wander through the room, taking everything thing in. It wasn’t chaos; his coworkers had called his flat uncharacteristically organised on their visits. It wasn't comfortable, Gavin had never expected to spend a lot of time in here anyways.

It had frozen over again apparently, the lonely tree in front of the building was wrapped in a thin layer of frost. 

Gavin stepped into the living room with one of the cleaning rags he stored under the sink. The water rings didn’t come off completely, they had been neglected for too long, but it was an improvement either way.  
He delicately put the gun back on to the newly cleaned surface and sat down. For the first time in a long while Gavin felt his heart beating fast, he felt lighter already.

Today was going to be the day. He just knew it.

A shrill ring disrupted the eerie quiet. Gavin grabbed his phone that had been placed neatly on the coffee table. 

_Friday.  
March, 22nd 2039  
10:01  
Incoming call: Captain Fowler _

“The roads are a disaster. I know you’re off today but could you come in anyways? Wilson and Person can’t make it and we’re understaffed.”

Indifference settled down on Gavin as he agreed with a few short words before ending the call. The detective slipped into his jacket and clipped his badge in place. The gun felt warm against his skin.

_Automatic driving mode enabled._

Gavin leaned back after strapping himself in, watching dispassionately as the steering wheel sunk into the console. 

“Fowler called you in too? Tough fucking luck.”  
Hank grumpily took the coffee mug offered by Connor. The android sent Gavin a smile and offered to grab him a coffee as well.  
The detective wordlessly sat down at his desk, tuning out the way Hank exchanges a few words with his partner. Most likely chastising him for being to nice again.

At 15:37 Gavin had an idea. The leaden exhaustion had taken a hold of him again and the thought of making the fifteen minute drive to his apartment was dreadful. He could just stay here, this building was more of a home to him anyway. It would be strangely poetic to find his end there where he always wanted to be.

Fowler pulled the detective out of his thoughts as his computer screen informed him that his shift had already ended.

“Want to stay here? Or did you forget when the shift is over?”  
“I have something to finish first.”

The captain raised an eyebrow, staring at Gavin with burning intensity.

“Sure, but this ain’t a hotel, got it Reed?”

Gavin pretended not to notice the way he was watched by his boss on the way out.

The only light in the whole precinct was the little desk lamp, Gavin’s terminal screen long ago switched off. And he didn’t move, motionless leaned back into his chair, hands wrapped tight around the steel handle. Sweating slightly.

“Reed what the fuck?”

Gavin’s whole body jerked, jumping to his feet and ramming against the desk on accident. Everything seemed to happen at once, nothing but a blur of motion, leaving Gavin confused and disorientated.  
The bullpen was still only dimly lit, but it wasn’t quiet anymore. Without him realising Hank and Connor had returned and noticed his continued presence.

Gavin blinked, taking a look at the lieutenant and his android partner. The latter was currently putting the safety lock back on to the service weapon. Apparently he had even emptied the bullets out beforehand, if the little bulge in the suit jacket was an indicator.  
When had Connor taken it in the first place?

“Fuckin’ Reed what do you think you’re doing?”

A glance to the digital watch in the break room signalised that a few hours had passed again.  
20:08  
No wonder he was feeling so tired and sluggish. 

“Lieutenant, I don’t think this is the right approach...”

Hank exchanged a silent conversation with Connor before lightly patting Gavin’s shoulder. That had never happened before. At least not since Gavin had joined the force ages ago, nothing more than a mere trainee.  
The next second the lieutenant made his way over into the break room, turned on the lights and grabbed a pair of mugs from the cupboard.

“Detective Reed, Captain Fowler called us earlier to share his concern about you. He said you have been behaving odd lately and I’m inclined to agree with him.”

As if all his strings had been cut, Gavin slumped back down into his chair. His hands felt uncomfortably empty.

“Detective Reed. Gavin. How long have you been sitting here like that?”

Connor slowly edged closer, leaning gently against the desk, eyes so disgustingly friendly and encouraging. The silent clatter of ceramic and the coffee maker were comforting background noise, taking away from the oppressive atmosphere of the building. 

“A while. But why do you care? Not like we are friends or something.”

Because Gavin didn’t have any, haven’t had them for a long time. Unsurprising after all the effort he’d put into alienating everyone who tried to get close to him. And even those who hadn’t.  
Connor though seemed to be taken aback by his blunt statement. 

“Even if we aren’t friends, that doesn’t mean I don’t care if you are dead, Gavin!”

Hearing such obvious emotion in the androids voice was still startling. Connor was so vibrant, so alive; so different from Gavin himself. How quickly he’d managed to integrate with his coworkers, fought to keep his job after the revolution and turned into a viable asset.

“But why?”

Stunned silence followed the detectives dismissive question. Hank approached them wordlessly, putting down two mugs of hot coffee. No. Hot Cocoa.

“Why would anyone care? It’s not as if I would’ve done anything important lately. Fowler doesn’t give me any big cases anymore, I sit at my desk and do paperwork. An intern could do that. I’m disposable, no one needs me.”

Suddenly breathless Gavin turned away, body chilled and trembling against his will and input. He had been so calm the last weeks, too tired to be bothered by anything, isolated in himself.

“And that’s my fault.”

The two men were exchanging glances again, Gavin didn’t have to look at them to know. They had turned into the best team on the force over the course of the last months, reliable and scarily effective.

“Okay, look, we all know you’re not the nicest guy around and neither am I. But Gavin, that can change. It’s not as if we hate you or anything. Not even Connor here, even though he’s got more reason than anyone else.”

Distantly Gavin felt his body jerking and it took a lot of concentration to hide the unexplained twitches. It looked like after everything Gavin lost ability to control his body as well.

“Hey! No spacin’ out here for fucks sake. We’ve all noticed that you’ve been odd the last days talking even less to Tina and the others than usually? How long has this-“ Hank gestured vaguely for Gavin’s barren desk “going on?”

If he was honest, he didn’t know. There hadn’t been one specific day when Gavin had woken up wanting to just end everything, it must’ve been a process. The detective vaguely remembered feeling more tired, more dejected. Disappointing things that happened in his daily life hadn’t sparked an angry or stinging reaction anymore; instead they were nothing more than another load he hauled along.  
Until eventually Gavin couldn’t shoulder them anymore, didn’t even want to try, too worried that just more would be piling up, burying him underneath. 

Going to work turned into a struggle, even getting out of bed felt like a pain he wasn’t able to bear. But the idea that Gavin could sit down on his sofa and free himself from suffocating had kept him functional.  
Until it hadn’t.

“Not sure? A month or two?”

Gavin’s eyes wandered through the dark bullpen hopelessly evading his two colleagues’ gazes. They focused on the two, still untouched, mugs of hot cocoa Hank had brought over.

A few seconds later pale and soft-looking hands picked up one of them and just pushed it into Gavin’s fumbling hands. The heat was kept in a bearable, even comfortable level by the vintage clay cup. Comforting.  
Sweet and familiar scent helped Gavin to relax a bit, eyes now trained on the rippling beverage, agitated by unsteady hands.

“Fuckin’ hell, Reed.”

Hanks outburst wasn’t even loud, more like a forceful sigh. Connor passed the second mug to his partner.

“Thanks, Con.”

Until Gavin took a first sip from his Cocoa he hadn’t even realised how cold and stiff his body had been. Sitting in the barely heated building for so long must’ve taken a toll on him.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Despite the lull in conversation neither Hank nor Connor had broken their intent gaze on him. While Connor seemed to be his usual self - maybe a bit less pragmatic and more pitying - Hank looked thoughtful and weary.  
Despite no one ever saying anything out aloud at the station, everyone knew that a few months back Hank himself had been on a downward spiral. Connors arrival has shaken things up for the better, Gavin admitted that he had been relieved.

“Yeah, me neither, kid.”

A secret smile by the android, startled shock from Gavin. No one commented on it.

20:36 and the detective wondered absently if no one was coming in to handle the night shift.  
The Cocoa was gone by now and Gavin found himself missing it’s hot sweetness. Last time he he had made himself one, the detective had still been a kid.

“I think the best course of action would be dinner. I know for a fact that you haven’t eaten properly in days, Detective.”

Connor, the damn android, snatched the empty mugs out of their hands, smiling pleasantly yet unyielding.

“It’s okay. If you struggle to take care of yourself right now, we’re happy help.”

“We are?” Hank huffed, sounding not too serious.

“Of course. And because this is obviously a special situation I would propose we go to Chicken Freed.”

Gavin was startled by the lieutenants barking laughter about a joke he wasn’t in on. But he knew the name of the snack bar in the industrial area by the bridge. He’d never been there himself, but when both Hank and Connor approved he wasn’t going to pick a fight.  
It was too much of a hassle.

In fact, the whole evening felt foggy in Gavin’s mind, unreal and distant despite still being right in the middle of it. Yet it was different from the nights he had spent perched on the couch, losing hours at a time without realising.

“C’me on Reed, if Connor agreed to Chicken Freed we’ve gotta hurry before he changes his mind.”

Hanks face might’ve been the friendliest Gavin had seen it in years, it left him unsettled and wrong footed, just like the whole encounter had.  
The detective slipped into his leather jacket, familiar weight on his shoulders. He didn’t know if he wanted to accompany his coworkers but the sudden kindness went a long way to persuade him in their favour.

After Gavin had taken over the job of discarding their used mugs from Connor, he noticed the android slipping the confiscated service gun along with the munition into the desk drawer. Like this he kept it weapon out of Gavin’s reach for now while ensuring it’s availability when needed on the job. Perfect solution as usual.

Not feeling the weight of the gun in his holster was unnerving. Gavin felt irrationally naked without it. Vulnerable against an invisible enemy.

“You done, Reed?”

“Yeah.”

At 20:47 the three of them left the station in silence and Gavin struggled not to turn around to look at the place he had intended to end his life in once and for all.  
It had been supposed to be today.  
It hadn’t gone as planned, but he had been so close to his goal.  
It hadn’t been predictable but it had been stability to cling to. 

Gavin’s legs felt unsteady all of a sudden and the weight that had been ignored the last minutes came crushing back, knocking the air out of his lungs.

“Hey, Reed!”

“Detective!”

Gavin found himself held up between his two coworkers, arms sling around him with strength the detective himself didn’t possess that moment.

“There we go, no harm done.”

Lightheadedness clouded Gavin’s brain and there was no way Hank and Connor could miss the trembling limbs they kept from spilling onto the floor.

“You want to sit down? We’ve got time.”

Gavin shook his head, he was going to be okay.  
Wasn’t he?

“Okay if you say so, but we’re gonna take this slow, for fucks sake.”

Hanks compulsive swearing helped and a few seconds later they could continue without more accidents.

The lobby wasn’t deserted. 

Linda, the night receptionist was chatting with two officers Gavin couldn’t identify without seeing their faces.  
The night shift.

No one of them turned to look at them, just kept up their talk as if they hadn’t been supposed to be in the bullpen for roughly an hour at this point.  
Realisation seeped in that Connor and most likely Fowler had kept everyone out of Gavin’s way. He didn’t know if he was thankful or mortified. Had Connor reported to the Captain as soon as they had found him?  
Most likely.

The sudden cold that had taken Detroit by surprise that morning had only worsened over the course of the day. Biting, freezing air woke Gavin’s sluggish thoughts even more, dragging him out of the place he had hidden in.

Connor’s watchful eyes were glued on his face. They didn’t touch him anymore but both were close enough to feel their presence on his skin anyway. It was comforting in a way.

“Let’s have dinner and then we can figure out where we go from here.”

Surprisingly that didn’t sound too horrible. 

At 23:01 Gavin curled up on Hanks narrow sofa, listening to the calm breathing of a giant St. Bernhard. On the coffee table Connor had placed a glass of water on top of a colourful coaster, right next to Gavin’s phone.

Apparently Gavin was on sick leave. The prospect terrified him, but Hank had just patted his head roughly and told him not to worry about it.

And at this point Gavin was just too happy not to care.  
He slipped into deep sleep, for the first time in months not wondering if tomorrow would be the day.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Stationary](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22319932) by [HikariYumisPodfics (HikariYumi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumisPodfics)




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